We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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