i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
