I puked a lego.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
