He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
