I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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