It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
