Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
