While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
