I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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