I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
