When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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