zippers are such a cool invention
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
