I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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