Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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