The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
