You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
