I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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