Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
