I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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