my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
