actually, I'm a sock model
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
