My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
