You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it's like iHOP with fire
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He did a backflip because drugs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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