you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
