What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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