After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I deserve this hangover.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
