the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
