If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
