I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His hands were made for my vagina.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Who died my cat blue again?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
