Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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