my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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