Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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