the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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