While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
