evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
