mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
