sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
