lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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