she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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