Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
