Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
