My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
