I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
