theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
