you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
