only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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