She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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