he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
