I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
