Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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