I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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