I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
