The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
