I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you had me at cake vodka
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
