Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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