It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
